My last therapist abandoned me, both physically and emotionally. She had a death in the family and understandably took some time off. At first she said it would be for three weeks. The next email stated she needed three more. It was a bit of a shock, but I figured if I had kept myself alive for the past three weeks, then perhaps I could do it again. What got me through the temporary loss of support was hope. I know from experience that grief has no time line, and however she needed to cope was necessary for her at the time.
Although Borderline Personality Disorder is becoming one of the most commonly diagnosed mental illnesses; it continues to be one of the least understood. Perhaps its diagnostic frequency is due to the wide range of symptoms it presents. Some people exhibit a trait or two off the list of BPD criteria, however, I have all but one. The symptoms and behaviors are not once and a while, but every minute of my day that I am awake. So, in an effort to enlighten as many people as possible, I am sharing some of my experiences related to the recognized symptoms of BPD.
As most of you know, I suffer with BPD, severe depression and suicidal ideation, among other diagnoses.
The Canadian winter hits me hard. The lack of sunshine for so many days, sometimes weeks in a row, and the bloody freezing temperatures, adds to depression. I have tried a SAD lamp, I have raised my Vitamin D, but nothing works, and the deeper we go into winter, seems to be the deeper I sink. I feel constantly anxious, unmotivated, and emotional. My fear of failure intensifies to the point of being terrified to try anything new.